he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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