How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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