you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
