Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bring me that man meat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
