I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
