took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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