you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
