all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this just has baby written all over it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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