I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
