Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
