nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
