I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
