piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
