i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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