i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize