you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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