it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she told me i tasted like america
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
