I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
