May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
