I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
