where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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