The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
