This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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