she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
