everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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