So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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