So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
