Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize