Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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