I wish I could teleport
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
