He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
