In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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