Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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