you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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