Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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