gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
