I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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