I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
