his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
