Define "chronic" masturbator.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just forgot I was standing up.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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