he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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