I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
