you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
