he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize