I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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