First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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