I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
