i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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