Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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