It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
