Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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