just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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