There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize