My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
