My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want to be your penis for a week.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
