PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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