This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When are your genitals available?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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