i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
