it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
