just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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