So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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