This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize