i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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