And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
